


Baby You're a Haunted House

by Bendy_CA



Series: What We Do in the Shadows (Will Never Hurt You) [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, David "Dave" Katz Lives, Implied/Referenced Torture, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, M/M, Vampire-typical mention of blood death and violence, Vampires, What We Do In The Shadows AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-31
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:15:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27319108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bendy_CA/pseuds/Bendy_CA
Summary: “So I was thinking, you're a vampire, and vampires need blood. And, if you wanted, you could always have mine.”Or, three moments in which Dave learns more about Klaus and his vampiric nature.
Relationships: Klaus Hargreeves & David "Dave" Katz, Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz, The Hargreeves Family (Mentioned) - Relationship
Series: What We Do in the Shadows (Will Never Hurt You) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1994473
Comments: 7
Kudos: 20





	Baby You're a Haunted House

**Author's Note:**

> I really wrote side fic for a series I haven't updated in over a year. This was intended just for me, but then I decided to publish it for Halloween.
> 
> Thank you [Glass O'Lemonade](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glass_O_Lemonade/pseuds/Glass_O_Lemonade) for beta-ing and [xslytherclaw](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xslytherclawx/) for her advice and help with this series!

It was one of those rare moments they had alone. They usually found somewhere shady, spent their time sharing a joint, and shooting the shit. On even rarer occasions, they would make out and exchange a handy, but now was not one of those times.

"Klaus, I've been thinking," Dave said, handing the joint back to him.

"So I've heard," Klaus replied, taking a hit. Dave didn't know if drugs actually worked on him.

"You've been listening?" He asked. As usual, Klaus' undead powers confused him. 

"Not intentionally, you just think loud," he said, releasing a puff, "I don't _listen_ listen. It comes out like static if I don't focus."

Thank goodness. Dave adored Klaus, but he needed some privacy.

"Good. So I was thinking, you're a vampire,"—he still felt weird saying that—"and vampires need blood. And, if you wanted, you could always have mine."

Klaus gazed at him, almost in admiration. He returned the joint, sneaking a kiss on the corner of Dave's mouth.

"Thank you," Klaus said, "That's very sweet, but I don't need it."

Oh? "You guys don't-"

"No, we do," he explained, "Well, the regular ones do. I did, then… _something_ happened, and now I'm an energy vampire."

He had heard about that _something_ before. Klaus wouldn't say what that something was, beyond a mention of some guys in creepy masks. Dave doubted he would ever learn what happened exactly, but he knew it was bad. And yet, whatever it was, it was still the reason they met.

"Energy vampire?" he questioned, looking down at the joint. There wasn't much left, so he gave Klaus the rest of it.

"Yeah. Instead of blood, I feed off other people's energy."

"How does that work?" Energy wasn't a physical thing, how could they feed off it?

Klaus shrugged, "I dunno. I just annoy people, and then I take their energy."

"Weird."

They were quiet for a moment. Klaus kept smoking. Dave kept watching. He loved the way the smoke left his mouth.

"Even if I could still have your blood, you aren't a virgin," Klaus said, as if that made any sense.

"So?" Dave questioned. What did their night in Saigon have to do with anything?

"You don't have virgin blood. I can’t drink it, that's lame."

Dave thought for a moment. He decided, "That's really dumb."

Klaus rolled his eyes."Well, would you eat a sandwich if you knew it was inside someone?"

He shook his head. 

"Same principle." 

It really wasn't, but Dave wouldn't argue. Dave thought it over again.

"So, energy vampire?" he said.

"Yep," Klaus said, popping the 'p'.

"So no biting then."

"No, no biting then."

"Oh," he said, slightly disappointed. 

Klaus studied his face. He dropped the butt of the joint and stepped it out.

"I could still give you a hickey if you want." 

Dave blinked.

"Yeah, okay."

~~~

"What about her?"

"Nah. Easy target, but too dead inside."

"Him?"

"No. They need some energy, but low spirit."

"Come on, Klaus, choose someone! We haven’t had a full meal since-"

"Your death, I know," Klaus said tensely.

Dave sighed. It had been a month since everything changed for him. One month since he had bled out in the A Shau Valley. One month since he was dying, forced to hear Klaus scream for a medic and plea for Dave to live. One month since Klaus turned him, apologizing the whole time. It had been one month since they ran away; Klaus brought him to the Hargreeves' manor. One month since Klaus saved him.

He hated to remind Klaus of that day. He offered his hand in apology, and Klaus took it. They didn't care who saw.

They're sitting on a bench. They were looking for a victim, as well as watching the city pass by. It was different from Dallas and Saigon, but Dave liked it.

They hadn't talked about any of it. Not about that day, not about Vietnam, or even Dallas. Dave wasn't sure if Klaus was okay after everything. He wasn't sure if _he_ was okay. For now, they were just living in the moment. They were here, together and undead.

"Can we get a burger after this?" Dave asked. He didn't care if it didn't do anything, he liked food.

"After you get real food."

"But I don't wanna get my own energy," He groaned. Klaus was insistent he learned to "hunt" on his own. "I like it when you feed me what you find." 

"I'm not gonna keep hunting for two," Klaus argued, "You aren't a baby bird. You gotta do it on your own, Schatzi Katz-y."

He groaned again, "I know, I know."

He wasn’t against getting his own energy. He had been trying to figure out his new existence for a while now, but he just didn't get it. Vampires needed to drink.... that (ew), but at least it was a physical thing. Energy wasn't that simple.

He didn't like bothering people. He was _taught_ not to bother people with anything, ever. Now he had to learn to bore and bother the fuck out of everyone, and live with how they felt about him. He could stop existing if he didn't annoy people.

"What about him," he said, pointing to a guy in a phone booth.

"Ooh, interesting choice. Care to explain?"

"Professional outfit, about to go into work. He's frustrated on the phone but still has enough for the day."

"Or plenty of energy for two," Klaus finished, giving him a wicked smile. "You genius."

Klaus tugged his hand and they jaywalked through the busy street. The drivers’ honking and curses felt like a breath of fresh air. It was so strange that inconveniencing others felt good now.

"Follow my lead," Klaus said, as he started tapping on the window. "Hey, buddy? You done in there?"

After twenty minutes of bothering the poor man, Dave felt bad, but also refreshed and stronger than ever.

To celebrate their success, Klaus got him a hamburger just how he liked it. Dave ate happily, listening to Klaus go on about his adventures in Hollywood with Allison and Ben. Dave loved how excited Klaus got when he told stories.

If it always ended like this, Dave could get used to hunting with Klaus.

~~~

"It's not like anything's _that_ different. You're still a vampire, you just need blood again."

Klaus didn't say anything. He just sat there hugging his knees. Dave didn't know what happened that turned him back. One minute Klaus was doing a favor for Luther, the next it turned into a full-fledged Sir Reginald Hargreeves experiment. Klaus and Luther entered Hargreeves’ office, and then never left. No one saw either of them for _days_. It was the most terrified Dave had been in a long time.

Nothing Dave and the siblings did convinced Sir Reginald to free them. Reginald was more powerful than all of them, combined. Not even with their special powers could they stop Reginald or get through the door.

Pogo and Grace were no help either, not when Reginald had nearly complete control over them. The two of them couldn't even _say_ what was happening behind that door.

Then, finally, Klaus emerged from the room and was a daywalker no more. Dave had sobbed as they fell into each other's arms, happy Klaus was still here. He didn’t even notice when Klaus’ siblings joined their reunion.

That was over a week ago. Dave had spent that time looking after Klaus, while the others still fought for their other brother. No one had seen Luther, but they heard him. The only indicator that he was still there was his sobs and whimpers of sorrow. Yet it was the quiet that made Dave fear the worst.

He continued reassuring Klaus, trying to be his usual light-hearted self.

"It was just a little hiatus,” Dave said, “As a vacation from the darkness. And, hey, now you have use of your fangs again!"

He grabbed Klaus' hand. It was cold and pale, like when they first met. Klaus felt dead.

"I love you, okay? Whatever you are, I'll love you forever. You could be a werewolf, and I would still love you."

Klaus looked at him finally, a brow raised. "That seems like a bit of a stretch."

"I'm serious."

"I don't get you."

“I know."

"Davey, it's not just about being a regular vampire again," Klaus explained, letting go of his knees, "I'm pissed we don't have that in common anymore!"

"Yeah, but we're still both vampires! Just different types."

"Now we can't go around annoying the fuck out of people." 

"You can do that with me without being a daywalker!"

"I can't treat everyone like my brothers and sisters, then I'd be a complete jack-off!" He cried, his head falling into Dave's lap.

He played with Klaus’ hair, smoothing it down. "You aren't a _complete_ jack-off."

"It was also a thing! The thing we did _together_!" Klaus exclaimed. He covered his face with his hands, "it was just the two of us! We had a thing! And now we don't! He took another thing of mine away from me!"

For a second, Dave considered murdering Hargreeves. He wouldn't, of course, because he hated violence and Reginald was far too powerful. But... if that day were to pass and Reginald was killed, he would be sure to have a rock-solid alibi.

"Well, now you can feed off me, if you need," Dave suggested, "if you want."

"Daywalker blood is vampire blood, that doesn't do anything," Klaus said behind his hands. "Besides, you aren't a virgin. You'd be useless and taste like horseshit."

"Well that's rude," Dave said.

"I just feel shitty," he said. "Emotionally. And physically cause the... I just feel like shit."

Okay, now Dave was really considering killing Reginald. Maybe he'd ask Number Five to help.

"What happened in there?" Dave asked. Tentatively, he put a hand in Klaus’ hair.

Klaus slid his hands off his face, looking up at Dave. He looked so tired.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

Dave didn't respond. Instead, he played with Klaus' hair. He felt Klaus relax in his lap. He wished he could fix all this. Or at least make Klaus feel better.

"Do you want a hickey?" Dave offered.

They locked eyes. Klaus blinked.

"Yeah, okay."

**Author's Note:**

> Klaus' sandwich line was a reference the "What We Do in the Shadows" film.
> 
> Unanswered questions in this story will eventually be answered later in the series!


End file.
